"You know, you may be the first attractive woman I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life." - When Harry Met Sally
Can a single man and woman be friends without sex rearing it's ugly head? Of course there are extremes on either end of this equation, but in my experience if both parties are available, the answer is that sex is inevitable. Here's a perfect example; I had a very close guy friend, Gary who I loved hanging out with during my sophomore year of college. Gary and I shared stories about our dates with other people, and confided many secrets that we didn't tell anyone else. Gary made me laugh and was a great listener. We spent a lot of time listening to music, smoking weed, and eating late night pizza together. The following year, he began dating a cute girl, Diane who eventually became his "girlfriend." I didn't date anyone steadily, but went out with several guys still maintaining my friendship with Gary. One night after a party at my sorority house, he came up to my room to get a bandage. He closed the door and started to passionately kiss me. I pulled away and said something profound like, "What the hell are you doing?" He declared, "I've been wanting to do this for a long time." I said, "I'm not up for being a one night stand." Being the suave 20 year old that he was, he proclaimed, "I'll prove to you this isn't just a drunken moment by taking you to brunch in the morning." (No, we didn't have sex!) He arrived the next morning to pick me up as promised. After that we began having clandestine sex since he was still seeing Diane. He remarked that she didn't like having sex and that he looked forward to dropping her off and taking me back to his apartment. It's cliche but I was "the other woman." Many months went by and our relationship blossomed with no sign of Gary and Diane breaking up. I decided to give him an ultimatum. "It's either her or me, make a choice."
What came next was a complete surprise! He said, "I hate to do this to you, but I have to stay with Diane." I was stunned! "Why her?" I demanded. "She needs me more," he replied. I left and vowed to never speak to Gary again. That night I went to a friend's house, smoked a carton of cigarettes and cried in Mark's arms. (Mark and I never had sex, but we did mess around if I recall.)
There is a happy ending to the story. Gary called about a year later and asked me to go with him to his cousin's wedding. He said he had broken up with Diane a while ago and would love to try and make it up to me. I quickly spat out, "No." Eventually I agreed to meet him for dinner and to prove that he was over his ex, in a dramatic fashion, he burned her picture in a candle on the table. A year later we were engaged to be married.
Bottom line: An intimate friendship without sex between a single girl and guy is very hard. (No pun intended he-he.)
Love and Kisses,