- Date: 5/12/16
- Time: 11:39PM
- Location: Bedroom (of Family Home)
- Duration: 16:34
- # of Edges (Nearly climaxing and then backing away): 3
- Pass/Fail: PASS
Realization: The duration of my masturbation is inversely correlated with my mental wellbeing. In other words, the worse my mental state, the longer I last.
My mother sold our family home and is moving into an apartment in Downtown Chicago. I'm very excited for her, but this means that since being home, I have had to sort through all of my possessions and decide what to keep. I've also had to do the same with much of my (deceased) dad's old clothes and belongings. This is emotionally taxing.
Moreover, we went to a local restaurant for dinner tonight, and the restaurant's owner stopped by our table to say hello. In the process, he shared his fondness and respect for my dad. I always enjoy hearing about the legacy that my father left behind, but this did not exactly put me in the mood to masturbate. So tonight, as I sat there trying to find my edge, the restaurant owner's words kept popping into my head. I thought I might never reach my edge. Eventually, I pushed through the sadness and pictured an attractive woman. I know Dr. Nancy said it's best to focus solely on my bodily sensations, but sixteen minutes is more than enough time for weiner yanking.
This whole experience tonight has really furthered my fascination with the relationship between body and emotion. In the past, I've noticed that fear/anxiety has a horrible effect on my GI tract, at one point constipating me to the point of hospitalization. Recently in my acting class, I struggled to express true sadness, and when I tried to force it out of me, I stopped being able to breathe and I just looked weird. It's very clear that tonight the sadness prevented me from reaching my edge until I ignored the emotion entirely. So, bottom line, emotions and the body are incredibly intertwined, and emotions are harder to control than they appear.
Hopefully in the future I'll be able to update you with a more profound insight. Those are the ramblings. Thank you for listening. PLEASE GIVE ME A WET DREAM.